August 23 – An Appointment

Welcome, it is good to see you again. Come inside, please. May I offer you a seat?

 Thank you.

 Of course. Would you like something to drink? I have scotch, or lemon soda.

 Just water, if you don’t mind.

 Still as ascetic as ever, I see.

 Hardly.

 Yes, well. Water is easy enough, if you’ll wait one moment.

 Sure.

 Here you are.

 Thank you.

 It’s been a while since you’ve last been in. How have things been going?

 Not too bad, thanks for asking. Just doing the same old stuff. Nothing terribly interesting happening.

 Your studies are going well?

 Well enough, thank you.

 Okay, that’s good. Last time you came to see me, as I recall you’d been having a bit of trouble with your personal life, particularly with fallout from your last relationship. May I ask how that is all going?

 Well, it was hard. I felt a lot better after the last talk I had with you, so I wanted to thank you for that. After what we spoke about, I got together and talked with him one last time, said all the things that had been left unsaid, got a whole lot of stuff off my chest, and just closed the whole thing off. It was really hard to do, but after that I felt, not good, but more… free, I suppose. I could stop thinking about him every morning and night. I think that’s when I really started to move on.

 Well, that’s a positive development, then, even if it was quite difficult for you. I get the feeling though that you didn’t come to talk to me about him.

 No, you’re right. That was quite a while ago now, and I think after that I was pretty much back to normal.

 You said ‘was’. Does that mean that something has changed? I mean, much as I’m happy to see you all the time, usually I only see you when something has happened.

 Well, yes, something has changed. I’ve met someone new. I guess I’m just a bit scared. This is the first time that I’ve felt this way about anyone since I broke up with Alex, and while it’s been really nice, and this new guy is really lovely, well, it’s scary. I’m not putting this terribly well, am I?

 It’s alright. Take all the time you need to.

 Okay, well. I suppose, I met this guy, and I just felt this kind of chemistry. He likes the same kind of stuff I do, he’s funny and nice, and suddenly it hit home that for the first time in ten months I might be actually interested in having a relationship, but that the chances of making it work were so small, and getting together with Alex was quite rocky to begin with, so I’m just not sure I can cope with the fear and uncertainty again, especially after all the hurt from the breakup. Suddenly I’m back in this place where I really don’t know what to do, and it would be so easy to make a mistake, and the link is so very tenuous and I really, really don’t want to lose it. Does that make sense? It sounds kind of stupid when I say it out loud.

 It’s not at all stupid, and it does make sense. It’s perfectly normal to have these kinds of feelings, especially considering what’s been happening for you in your life. You’ve said that you’re feeling afraid and uncertain, which is completely fine. Have you thought about the future, and what you might do about feeling this way?

 Well, I suppose the thing I’m afraid of most isn’t rejection, although I am afraid of that too. I think maybe the thing I’m most frightened of is missing out on whatever opportunities may come of this. And I mean, I’ve got a great group of friends to support me, so even if it doesn’t go anywhere I’ll probably be okay pretty quickly. I guess I’ve just got to do my best, and what comes will come.

 Phew. I’d better be off now, it looks like there’s someone else to see you. Thank you for listening. It’s so helpful just to be able to talk to someone about all this stuff. Someone who isn’t one of my friends, who just listens like you do.

 Well, that’s what I’m here for. You know you can come and talk to me any time. I do like hearing about your life, since I can’t be a part of it as much as I’d like.

 Well, I’ll make sure to come and visit again very soon, okay? Take care of yourself, Mum. I love you a lot.