August 29 - A Letter

When I first met you, you took my breath away. I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing. One of the first things I noticed about you was your eyes, so large and bright and of the purest blue I’ve ever seen. You looked at me, and it was as if you looked into my very soul. Then you smiled at me, and I felt as if my heart, pounding away in my chest, would simply burst. I’m surprised you didn’t laugh, because I’m sure I had the stupidest grin on my face. You reached out your hand, and I felt the warmth of your fingers as they grasped mine. I fell in love right then and there.

We spent a lot of time together after that first meeting. I just couldn’t see enough of you. It made my day brighter just seeing your face. I got to know you a lot better, what you liked and didn’t like, what you thought was fun and what put you to sleep. I know I made you fall asleep on more than one occasion. I noticed after a while that you’d started doing things that I did. It was amazing how much we learned from and influenced each other. You taught me patience, and calm, and how to have fun. You showed me how to appreciate the small things. Having you in my life changed it irrevocably.

I was so desperately afraid to lose you. It seemed like anything at all could snatch you away from me, and I knew that if you were gone it would break me. Sometimes I would stay awake all night just worrying about it. Time went on, and you grew out your hair and wore different clothes, and you still stuck around. So after a while I wasn’t quite so scared. Not quite.

Things didn’t always go smoothly between us, and I’ll be the first to admit that. You shouted at me quite a bit, and I’m ashamed to say that I shouted right back. Sometimes you were stubborn beyond all reason, and other times you just plain baffled me. Sometimes it was really hard to understand you, and so a whole day went by with everyone being grumpy. One time you even bit me. Ouch

Still, we always worked it out in the end. I could never stay angry at you for long, and though sometimes I would get fed up with you and need some time on my own, it was never very long before I started missing you. I loved you, and you loved me, and we were inseparable. I was so happy.

Things are a bit different now. You had study, and work, and friends, and everything else that comes with having your own life. You didn’t have much time to spend on me anymore. But I loved you, and you seemed happy, so what could I do but encourage you, even if my heart was slowly breaking. Suddenly you moved away, and despite my best efforts, contact just… stopped. I haven’t heard from you in years.

I hope you’re doing well, and I hope you’re happy, whatever you’re doing now.  I don’t know if you’ll get this, and I don’t know that you’ll read it if you do. But I wanted you to know that even now, anything I can give you I would do so happily, and no matter what happens I will always, always love you.

My darling baby Bella-bear, my one and only doozy of a daughter.