Monday 10 March 2014

2010 Retrospective - Replacement


It all began with a quirked eyebrow…

It belongs to the face of my long-time roommate Leah, who is looking pointedly at the just finished tub of peppermint ice-cream that’s in my hands. Her ice-cream. She is leaning on the kitchen doorframe, her arms folded across her chest. I hastily put the empty tub in the bin and wash up my spoon, my cheeks flaming the entire time. I turn around and her gaze shifts to me. “I was going to replace it,” I say. “tomorrow.” There is a brief silence.
“Okay.” She turns and leaves the room, her long brown hair flowing smoothly down her back. That’s it? I feel guilty. I had needed something cold to alleviate the unrelenting summer heat, and her ice-cream had fit the bill. But that’s the problem, it had been hers. Ah well, I’ll make it up to her tomorrow.

The alarm rings, 6:40 am. I press the snooze button and doze back off. Five minutes later
It rings again, 6:45. I keep this up, dozing for give minutes before the alarm rings, till sometime around 7:15. This is kind of a daily ritual for me. It’s not that I don’t like to get up early. I love it. It’s just so hard. Eventually I manage to flip myself out of bed and into some clothes, my head muzzy. I usually have about an hour before I have to walk to work, so I quickly duck down to the shop to get some supplies. First and foremost, a sandwich for my lunch and secondly, two tubs of peppermint ice-cream. That should put me in the clear. The apartment is quiet as I let myself back in, Leah isn’t up yet. I slip the food into the fridge. I hope it’ll be cold enough for both tubs, my fridge is old. I make and eat my breakfast in the remaining time before I have to go to work. Luckily for me, the office where I work is only six blocks away, so I can simply walk to and from work. It also means that I get to come home during my lunch break. Have my lunch and just chill, relieve the boredom of four hours of form-processing and other menial peon tasks. Unfortunately for me, however, today is Thursday. This means that instead of doing menial peon tasks, I get to do a whole heap of mindless number-punching. Crap.

I get a call from Leah just as I’m finishing up for lunch. “Hey Andrew! It’s me, Leah. How’s work?”
“It’s just great,” I reply sarcastically. “I’m bored as hell.”
“Well that’s just what you get for working in an office. You should work somewhere more flexible, like me. Anyway, I was just calling to remind you that I’m going to visit Tiffany tonight, so I won’t be here when you came back. And that sandwich you had in the fridge? Yeah… I ate that. Hope you don’t mind. Bye!”
“No no, that’s fine…” I trail of as she hangs up. Goddamn it. As I walk home I try to remember what we have in the fridge that I can eat. Nothing’s coming to me. Damn.

True to her word, Leah has left by the time I get back, already having left to visit Tiffany. Tiffany is one of Leah’s best friends, and had helped her get through her parents’ deaths. I go inside and look in the fridge, trying to ascertain whether any substance inside is even remotely edible. What the? A brown paper bag that wasn’t there this morning is sitting exactly in place of my stolen sandwich. Curious, I open the bag. Oh my. There’s a sandwich in here. But not just any sandwich, this one is magnificent! I sit there for a minute, just admiring this paragon of sandwich-ness. That’s when I notice the note nestled in between the sandwich and the bag. It’s slightly moist as I pull it out and unfold it.
Andrew-

Hee hee! Replaced your sammich! I think I do a better job than that deli you always get your lunch from. Now we’re even for that ice-cream stunt of yours.
                                                                        -Leah

Why that little, awesome… Gah. I just can’t stay irritated with the creator of such a culinary delight. The bread’s even toasted, though I don’t know how she managed it with my gimpy toaster. I take a bite, it’s bliss.

This afternoon is just as boring as this morning was. 2…8…34…7…1…95…6… My mind wanders as I mechanically punch in the numbers. I just can’t stop thinking about what Leah did. Replace my sandwich will she? We’ll just see about that! This isn’t over, not at all.

Trawling again through the fridge at home I find the perfect thing for my reactionary replacement. A small chocolate-chip muffin left over from a gift basket from her colleagues at work. This is exactly what I need, tastes pretty good too. Washing the crumbs off my hand I boot up the computer and do an internet search: Recipes for double-chocolate mudcake.

I am awakened the next morning by delighted squeals from the kitchen. As I walk in I am nearly bowled over by a delighted Leah, who has obviously just seen the handcrafted, chocolate-covered monstrosity that I baked for her last night. No easy feat, I hasten to add, her oven is terrible. Seems like a bit of a trend with our kitchen appliances. Leah throws her arms around me. “Thank you Andrew, the cake is wonderful!” I sit down to eat my breakfast. For some reason she keeps sneaking glances at me when she thinks I’m not looking. Huh. She hugs me again as I walk out the door. I carry a warm glow in my heart, and not just for the fact that I like making her happy. I won.

My smugness is shattered when I come back home. There, sitting on the bench, is a shiny new toaster. My old one is nowhere to be seen. Oh it’s on now! She has just formally announced that this will be a competition, a competition that I don’t intend to lose. I quickly look around the kitchen. Now what appliance of hers needs replacing? My eyes alight on the oven. Excellent.

As I’m shopping for a new oven for Leah, I notice that the jewelry store has just come out with a line of jeweled and engraved photo albums. Jeweled photo albums? Seriously, who would buy something like that? It seems pretty useless. Still, I imagine some people would. Not me though, not me. I walk into the appliance store to look for ovens. I think Leah will be pleasantly surprised.

She is. After much hugging and thanking, we continue our day. I come home to find my fridge replaced. This thing has blown way up. We seem to have run out of old appliances, so I buy her a set of comfortable hardwood furniture. She replies by getting rid of my old bed and switching it with a luxurious new water bed. That’s it. While she’s out for a few days I have a team of tradesmen come in and construct a full walk-in wardrobe array, having them work around the clock to get all the automated runners, hangers and shelves complete in time. I’m really glad that we both own this apartment, because otherwise this would have been a major problem. Leah gets back, and after much more huggings, meets me blow for blow with an amazing hot tub installed in my absence. Where is she getting the money for this? Not that I don’t like this, it’s great, especially all the hugs.

I have an awesome plan. I take a chunk out of my savings and replace her old car with a brand-spanking-new Volkswagen Beetle. I think it’s cute. Evidently, Leah does too. This time I get a hug and a kiss. She ups the ante yet again, reciprocating with a giant home entertainment system. I thank her, but she demands a hug. I embrace her, what else am I to do? I don’t want to seem ungrateful. We stay up late watching movies together. I have a day off tomorrow, and she goes to work pretty much whatever time she likes, so it doesn’t really matter. The apartment seems almost new with all the additions we have been making. I like it.

It’s my turn now, but the apartment seems pretty well covered. I can’t really exchange anything else. What should I do? Suddenly, inspiration strikes. Leah keeps a small box of photos in the top shelves of her closet; photos of her family, cracked and faded after the years that she has had them. I know what I have to do; I only hope she doesn’t notice that they’re missing.

“Andrew!” She sounds mad. She must have noticed that the pictures are missing. Damn. It has been two days, so I was hoping that she wouldn’t notice for just a little longer. No such luck. She storms in; this is bad, she’s even angrier than I thought. “You took my photos didn’t you?” She gives me no chance to respond. “Damn it Andrew! This has been fun but it isn’t a goddamn game anymore! They’re the only photos I have left to remind me of my family and you stole them! Have you already thrown them away?”
“No, I…” She cuts me off again, tears have begun streaming down her cheeks.
“You… I… I just can’t deal with this anymore. I’m going out, I don’t know when I’ll see you again.” She walks out, still softly crying. I can hear her in the hallway, grabbing her coat and opening the door. She’s gone. ‘I don’t know when I’ll see you again?’ That sounds ominous.

It’s raining today, the second since Leah left. I am incredibly worried about her. I have called Tiffany, but she wouldn’t talk to me. I can only hope that this means that Leah is safe and sound with her. The office has also called, to tell me that I have to leave this afternoon for a six-day conference. I am all packed and ready, and I have finally finished Leah’s present. I leave it on the table and go to the airport. I hope Leah gets it, I hope she doesn’t do anything dangerous. My plane leaves; and I sit thinking about the present, whether it will be enough for her to forgive me or not. I have finally discovered the sort of person that would buy a jeweled photo album, me. A stupid fool hopelessly in love. The only reason it had taken me this long was that I had wanted to replace her photos. It had taken me hours of research to track her family to those remaining distant relatives that would still have the same pictures, and even more painstaking hours to compile all of them into the album. I had also wanted to give her something of myself, so I included pictures of the two of us: the one of her and me on a cruise boat in Alaska, climbing mountains in New Zealand, and even the one showing when I had mistaken wasabi for guacamole. The rain lashes my window as we lift off. I wonder if she will find my present, and what she will make of my letter…

Leah

Even though words could never encompass the depths of my feelings, I am sorry for the pain and grief that I have caused you. I just wanted to give you a meaningful present. I know that the photos are important, and believe me; it was never my intention to throw them away. They are in an envelope attached to the back cover. I hope that you can forgive me for what I have done. I never want you to be hurt again.

I love you.
                                                -Andrew

My god I’m tired. I have just got off the plane after the conference, of which the best thing I can say is that the food wasn’t abysmal. I call a taxi, and wait in the darkening dusk for it to arrive. I get in and tell the driver my destination, half dozing as he drives. I wake up as we pull into my street. Is that…A moving van outside my house? It was. What is going on here? I pay the driver and step into my driveway. The lights are on in the apartment, and I can hear voices inside. I walk to the door and open it up. Inside it is a different place. There are colourful children’s daubings hung up on all the walls, there are a myriad of coloured beanbags and most of all; an extremely surprised family of five. “What are you doing in here?” Asks what I assume is the man of the household.
“What? I live here.” This is confusing, I’m sure I have the right place, I have lived here for some time, and my key worked as well.”
“Ohhh, you must be Andrew. Yes, we’re renting the apartment from you and Leah. Um, she told me to give you this, when you arrived.” He hands me a slip of paper, it has an address written on it. There’s nothing I can do but investigate.

Night has truly fallen by the time I reach the address Leah has on the note. It seems to be… a well appointed house. I wonder whose it is. I walk to the door and knock. After a few moments the door opens to reveal Leah, just as beautiful as ever. She looks happy to see me, I hope. “Andrew!” She hugs me, and leads me inside. This is a good sign. I am vaguely surprised to see that this house has the same furnishings as our old one and… Wha? Sitting in the place of pride in the hallway is that jeweled photo album. “Leah, what, is all this.” She turns around to face me.
“All during these past few weeks I think you’ll agree that we have grown to be more than just friends” That’s true, we were kind of acting like a couple. “and for me your letter just confirms that. That is,” she looks at me coyly. “if you mean it.”
“Mean what? I… Oh.” I wrap my arms around her. She looks up at me. I lean down slightly, brushing my lips against hers. She smiles, then kisses me.
“I got us a house.” Leah says, turning around in my arms. “We’re renting the apartment to help pay it off.”
“Leah… I love you.”
“Andrew?”
“Yes?”
“I love you too.”

As I sit here; with a beautiful girl, who I’m deeply in love with, in my arms; in a beautiful new house filled with beautiful new things, not to mention Leah; I can’t help but think about how this competition turned out. Leah trumped me fair and square, she not only replaced our apartment with a great new house, she replaced that empty void in my life with… herself.

So I guess, losing isn’t so bad.

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